Life With Baby K

Well shit. Obviously mom life is busy, since I haven't posted in over a year! I apologize. I will try to be better at this.

Killian is now 19 months old. SHUT UP! I'm not sure how the time has gone so quickly. I totally understand how people miss their tiny babies and immediately want to have another one. 

K is walking around on his own now and getting into everything. He was able to get into everything before, but now he can just do it at a quicker pace. He knows how to open doors. He says cat, puppy, mom and sometimes dad. Every animal is a cat at this point though. Even poor Mowgli. Rolo and K seem to be pretty good buddies though. That's what we were hoping! 

Killian is still a huge fan of his bath times. Whenever he is upset or cranky, a bath is always the fix. He's started exploring sticking his face into the water. He likes to put his head under the running water to wash his hair. He seems pretty fearless which is great but also terrifying for me. I've always been scared of water, so I'm hoping he doesn't develop that fear, but I would also like for him to be cautious. 

I seem to take the most pictures when he is in the bath or sleeping. Is that normal? Haha Oh! And eating. Lots of messy eating pictures. Here ya go:

We're working on using utensils, but he still prefers his hands. He seems to take the easier route with most things. He was that way with crawling, walking and eating. 

This kid is just hilarious and amazing. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but it's so much more than I ever dreamed. This is the hardest job I've ever had, but I knew it wouldn't be easy. Raising a human is not supposed to be easy. Nothing makes me happier than this boy though. It's incredible to watch him grow and learn new things. Lately, he's been super cuddly too, so I will absolutely take all of the hugs! 

He doesn't really want to give kisses at all anymore, but I think that might have to do with his mouth being sore. He has so many teeth coming in at once. Poor baby. Once all of that is done with, we will all be thankful. And hopefully he'll stop trying to bite me!

We are still trying to explore new foods with him, but he doesn't seems to be a fan of meat at all. I'm not sure if it's a texture thing or if it could also be because of the teething. He's still a huge fan of fruit and milk, so that's great! He's also picked up some of his mom's taste in food and he likes lemons, onions and banana peppers! 

For the most part, he is just a happy boy. His laugh is the best thing in the entire world. He's super ticklish, so it's easy to get that out of him. :)

     

He still absolutely loves his music too. He's even started trying to sing along a bit! He's a bit shy, so I haven't caught a video just yet. But just know that I'm on it! He's just the best thing in the entire world and I can't wait to watch him continue to learn and grow. 

I will try to be better about updating, but I can't make promises. You love me anyway.<3

Oh Baby!

Killian Jack McCue is here!!

He was born on November 12th at 12:09 AM.

He was 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 21 inches long.

(Warning: I will be including details about the birth. Some information may be a little too personal or too detailed for some, so please proceed with caution. I'm an open book.)

As most of you know, we had some trouble getting through a pregnancy and had lost 3 babies before Killian, each requiring surgery. I'm not religious, but I'm thinking that someone decided I deserved an easy pregnancy after all of that. Thankfully, an easy pregnancy is exactly what I got. I was sick for 2 weeks, and then it completely dropped off. And it wasn't even that bad. I wasn't sick constantly. I threw up once a day. That's it. The worst things I experienced were being exhausted and sore. K was pretty good to his mommy while he was in there. 

From the beginning, I told him to punch and kick as much as he wanted and needed to, to let me know that he was ok. He heard me, because he's been a mover from the beginning. It was exactly what I needed to get me through, because I may have been a little paranoid. Seeing and feeling him move around was one of the coolest and weirdest things I've been able to experience. It's still hard for me to believe that the little boy who is here today was the one that was beating up my insides. 

My tranformation was pretty dramatic. I gained a little over 40 pounds, but I'm only 5'2". My knees are still trying to recover from carrying around that extra weight.

9 Weeks & 1 Day

36 Weeks

Killian ended up being a week early, but I guess I gave up on pictures a few weeks prior. I was so tired and uncomfortable. Trevor got a couple really embarrassing pictures of me towards the end.

I was SO ready! I had been telling him for weeks that he could come out anytime.

On the afternoon of November 11, I woke up to some pain. I sat on the couch next to Trevor and whined for a little bit. I was keeping track of the pain with a contraction counter. They were about 5 to 7 minutes apart, so Trevor decided to call the hospital. We chose a doctor in Grand Rapids, so we had about a 40 minute drive ahead of us. It took a while for anyone to call back so we just said fuck it and left. That car ride was awful. I was wiggling around in pain and it's hard to really do that in a car. The car ride seemed to take twice as long as it should have. 

As soon as we got to the hospital, they wheeled me in and hooked me up to some machines. I was 2 cm dilated and my contractions were now 4 minutes apart. They were working on getting a room ready for me, so we just had to wait for a bit. I was progressing pretty quickly though, so they needed to speed this shit up. After about an hour, I was now at 4 cm and my contractions were 2 minutes apart. 

Not long after I got into my room, they were giving me my epidural. I was in so much pain, I couldn't speak to anyone and I was just miserable. I was also terrified of the epidural, but honestly, it wasn't bad at all. I don't know if I just had an amazing doctor who really knew what he was doing, or if I was already in so much pain that it didn't really phase me. All I know is that when that medicine kicked in, I felt SO. GOOD. My dad said he knew right when it kicked in because I was talking and smiling. Now we played the waiting game. 

Nurses were constantly coming in to check me and turn me. K's heartbeat was dipping every now and then, so we had to move to a new position. At one point, they put me on all fours and broke my water. Super weird feeling, especially since I was numb. After that, everything moved so fast. In about 2 hours, I was completely dilated and my cervix had completely thinned out. So we were thinking it was go time. We were wrong. 

When the doctor checked me, he decided that he wanted the baby to be lower before I was truly ready. I pushed for 3 hours and he didn't move at all. There were also a couple of issues. I couldn't feel any pain from the contractions themselves, but the pressure I absolutely couldn't stand. I was crying so hard and begged the doctor to just take him. Also, K's umbilical cord was up by his shoulder and every time I pushed, it got pushed against my pelvic bone and cut off his supply and his heart rate would drop. I was exhausted and worried about him, so I was hoping they would just give me a c-section. 

Trevor went into the hall to talk to the doctor. We needed options, because I had no more energy. We decided that a vacuum assist was what we were willing to try. Thankfully, that worked great! It didn't take too long to get him out and I was pissed I hadn't agreed to that earlier. They put him in my arms for just a moment and then took him away to clean and measure him. Trevor really got to hold him first because they were busy stitching me up. 

Not only did they give me an episiotomy, but I ended up with a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear. (If you don't know what that is, just ask me. I wouldn't recommend googling it.) They also turned off my epidural as soon as Killian was out, so I felt every bit of them stitching me up. AWFUL! And it seemed to take forever too. The recovery from this was really hard. I couldn't really get out of bed the entire hospital stay, so Trevor took care of everything with the baby as far as diapers and whatnot. I wanted to help, but I couldn't. I struggled to walk for a couple of weeks and it hurt and was uncomfortable to sit down. I truly think K should have been a c-section. 

While my birth experience may not have been great, I would do it again because I got an amazing little boy out of it. My connection with him was not immediate, but it has grown into something absolutely amazing. He makes me smile and laugh every single day and I want him to always know how much we wanted him.

14 Weeks

We are officially in the second trimester!!

We are so excited, even though I'm still a bit paranoid. I think I will be for this entire pregnancy. And then I'll be paranoid for new reasons once the baby is here. 

I'm still waiting for this belly to pop. I can't wait for that. I'm also ready for that second trimester energy boost. With how busy the band is this summer, I'm going to need it! I've already had to switch up my footwear when I play. I used to be able to wear cute boots, but the last time I tried that, I could barely walk at the end of the night. Looks like it's flip flops from here on out.

This is also no joke. That last couple of weeks, I've been sleeping SO MUCH. I feel like I barely leave my bed. If I need the rest though, I will take it. Anything to keep this baby comfortable and growing.

Speaking of baby...

This was from a couple week ago. We were doing some testing and the baby was jumping and moving around all over the place. It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen. Trevor and I were so surprised at how much the baby was moving and we couldn't stop staring at the screen. We both may have cried a bit as well. It was just confirmation that everything is going well so far and the baby is ok. Best feeling ever.

I don't have another appointment until the 30th and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still nervous. I just want to see the baby again and know everything is still ok. 

The baby has already gotten some gifts from some of our friends. 

This giraffe and onesie are from Aunt Erin and Aunt Sara. The saying on the onesie couldn't be more true. Angela and Katie have also gotten us some gifts. We are so thankful for everything that our friends are doing. You guys are such a huge support and we honestly feel like we just have this big, extended family that is just as excited about this baby as we are. We love you guys so much.

I've had a couple dreams about the baby lately as well. The first one was a short dream. Just me holding the baby and kissing him. The second one was a little weird. We were in the doctor's office and the doctor took the baby out of me to look him over. He examined him, told us the gender and then put the baby back. So. Weird. As you can tell by the words I used, I've been feeling as if this baby is a boy. I could be completely wrong, of course, but that's just what I've been feeling. 

Now, a slightly crappier part of what I need to say. I am fully aware that something bad could still happen. That could happen at any time, even after the baby is born. I do not want to focus on that though. This is the farthest we've ever made it and I just want to be happy about the things that are going right. While I understand where people are coming from when they tell me to still be cautious, or that I need to think about what could happen, it's actually not helpful at all. I've lost 3. I know what can happen. I am going to enjoy the time I have with this little one and if it ends up working out, I will be the happiest I've ever been. If something does happen, I will deal with it then. But for now, I am going to enjoy every second of having this baby with me. 

7.2 Weeks

This last week or so has been absolutely awful. I've never been more nauseous in my life. I ended up getting sick a couple times on Monday. Thankfully, after that, I have felt much better. Still a little nauseous, but nothing like I was. This kid is already a dick.

My sleep has improved a bit, thank god!! I'll share some of my sleep maps with you guys. I'll show some of the really awful ones at the beginning and some more recent ones that aren't as bad.

I am at least getting in longer stretches of sleep occasionally. At first, I could only get a couple hours if I was lucky. I still have those short naps sometimes, but it doesn't happen every single time I try to sleep. I'm still super exhausted, but I know that's normal. 

I'm so happy the band took this month off. I don't think I could perform like this. I just don't have the energy. We had band practice this past Sunday and after an hour, I was just done. I didn't even have the energy to stand anymore and I wanted to go back to bed. I'm definitely ready to have some energy and motivation back.

We had our first ultrasound yesterday. As I've said, I've been trying to not get too excited because I wasn't sure what to expect. I assumed that since I've been feeling so sick that everything was ok, but you never know. 

Everything looked good and the heartbeat was 125. I'm still cautious because it's still very early. Something could still go wrong. Seeing that hearbeat on the screen was pretty amazing though. The last 2 didn't make it that far. Trevor and I just hugged. We're so used to nothing but negative news on every visit, so this was a great change. Hopefully everything continues to go well. Maybe the progesterone is really helping.

So far, I haven't had any specific cravings. I did want fish sticks pretty badly the other day, but once I had them, I was fine. I just have lots of different snacks, so if I'm wanting something salty or sweet, I've got some options. Trevor has gone to the store for me a couple times this past weekend to stock up for me. I really appreciate. I know it's a pain, especially when I'm not sure what I'll want to eat. I wonder if I'll get any cravings at all this time. I have been enjoying milk a lot. I normally don't drink it very much since I'm lactose intolerant. It hasn't been bothering me as much as it usually does though, so the baby must really like it. 

For all my mommy friends out there:

Was there a particular pillow that you would recommend?

Were there any tricks that helped you get some better sleep? Or am I out of luck?

What were some of the foods you craved? What foods did you develop an aversion to?

Did any of you also use progesterone? What were your experiences with it?

I'd love to hear what your pregnancies were like. Everyone is so different, so it's neat to hear different stories.