Optimistic

The last few days have been pretty good. I'm not sure if it's really because of the new medication or if I would have had these days anyway. It's tough to tell, especially since I've only been on this medicine for a short period. I guess I'll know if I get super happy when she ups the dosage again on Tuesday. There is definitely one thing that I can't wait to be rid of and that is this sleeping habit. I want to do nothing but sleep. I don't sleep well and never have but this has been ridiculous! I have also been tensing up a lot while I sleep so I have been waking up extremely sore. I have no idea why I do that but it's been a problem since high school. 

I also got "the look" when I was at the doctor's office. I stepped on the scale and the nurse just looks at me and says, "You've lost weight." Stare. So I am currently back down to 97 pounds. Great. It's not that I don't have an appetite. I do. There just isn't ever anything to eat in this house. My doctor asked me if that was something I could talk to my parents about and I said, "No." I don't ask for anything. I just don't want to deal with the bitching and complaining, so I eat whenever I can. I recently went to the store and bought 24 packs of ramen. Not exactly a wonderful diet. And needless to say I am sick. to. death. of soup. I just wish I were able to get stuff so I could cook. I really enjoy cooking and I would love to try some more recipes. 

On to a little bit more of a crappy topic... This will be the second Christmas without my Casey. I can't believe she's been gone for almost two years already. And I can't believe I've had Mowgli for that long. I definitely have bittersweet thoughts when it comes to the topic of these two babies. 

Christmas 2010

Ugh. I miss my extensions! Anywho... I've been having really weird dreams lately as well. I had an especially terrible one about Mowgli. I lived in a house that had an indoor pool. There was a pool cover over it. I was walking around and realized that I hadn't seen Mowgli in a while, so I started looking and calling for him. I immediately thought of the pool. I ran to check and I lifted the cover. Instead of it being a normal pool, it was like it was this giant waterbed type of thing with a zipper all the way around the edge. Anyway, I lifted the cover and saw this little white body and I just started crying and screaming and trying to unzip this damn thing to get him out. I woke up right after that. I had to feel his chest and make sure his heart was beating. How the hell do you go back to sleep after something like that? And that's only ONE of the dreams I've had recently. Maybe if I do start doing therapy, they'll be able to help with the dreams. That or they'll lock me up. Haha.

Christmas 2011

I've also been working on my scarf and it's coming along nicely. I started trying to work on one for someone else but the yarn that they chose sucks balls. I was trying to figure out why, so I was comparing labels. The only thing my mom and I could come up with was that the yarn they chose said soft on the label. So, no more of that. But at least mine is going to be awesome. :)