3 Days

I decided that in this post, I was going to focus on three particular days within the last week. Each was sort of a big deal for me so, ready, set, go!

February 14th

This is usually how I feel about it.

Everyone knows what this day is. Normally I just try to ignore it, because I've never really had a great Valentine's Day. I've always had hope that it would happen for me someday. 

The kind of Valentine I would like!

Originally, my plan was to go out to a bar, have some early birthday drinks and yell and throw things at couples. Somehow I thought that might make me feel better. I decided to stay home instead, with the hope that something better would happen for me. 

Maybe next year...

It actually ended up being a nice Valentine's Day for me this year. Thank goodness! A friend of mine sent me flowers because he knows I've never really had a great V-Day. He said he wanted me to still feel special. Such a good friend. And the flowers were gorgeous!

Stargazer Lilies and Roses

I received the flowers the day before V-Day, so I got to feel special a little early. :) On the actual day, the plan was to go to dinner and watch some movies. Of course, every single restaurant in existence was packed and had a ridiculously long wait. (Side note: I need to come up with a code name for this particular person, since he will probably be mentioned in multiple posts. For now, we will just call him J, since I can't think of anything more creative at the moment. Cut me some slack people. Also, flower guy and J are two different people, fyi. Ok, back to the story...) So J and I decided to go to the store and find something simple to make. I kind of like that idea anyhow. It's nice and low key. Relaxing. We ate dinner, had a drink and watched a couple movies. I was very happy with how this V-Day turned out. :)

February 16th

This is the absolute worst day of the year for me. This day was the second anniversary of losing Casey. Pretty much from the moment I woke up, I was just trying to distract myself from thoughts and sadness. I wasn't really doing a good job. Memories of her flooded my brain and I couldn't help but cry. My family didn't acknowledge this day at all. They saw me cry and would talk to me as if everything was normal and it was just a regular day. To them I'm sure it was. To me, this day is heartbreaking and crippling. I spent the entire day in my room with my dogs. I should NOT have been alone. I needed someone to be there for me and hug me. Let me cry on their shoulder. My family obviously couldn't do that for me and I'm honestly not surprised by that at all. But I was hoping that someone could have been here for me. I did receive a message on my Facebook wall that made me instantly cry. A friend of mine somehow remembered what this day meant and had posted about it before I had even gotten out of bed. I was so incredibly touched that she remembered. That's a great friend! It meant more to me than I can express. I still think of Casey every single day and I miss her like crazy. Mowgli reminds me of her quite a bit sometimes. 

February 18th

True story

My 27th birthday. I still can't believe I'm fucking 27. I feel like I should be 22 or 23. Something like that. 

I have never had birthday sex and I think it's bullshit! Maybe next year.

I am usually incredibly stoked about my birthday. I'm probably way more excited than anyone should be about it. I can't help it. I LOVE my birthday! But for some reason, this year it wasn't quite the same. I was still excited, but it was just a dull excitement. I'm assuming that part of it is because it's tough coming right off of the anniversary of Casey's death. Doesn't exactly put me in the celebratory mood. I've also had a lot of other stressful things going on as well. My mind was probably just distracted. 

Either way, J managed to make it a good day for me and to make me smile. No one in my family said happy birthday to my face. No hugs, cards, presents, nothing.I just don't understand it. J's parents said happy birthday to me as soon as I walked in the door to their house. J got me a card and a couple CD's that I had wanted. He also took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant and then we went to a hot tub place. It was SO relaxing. It was definitely a great birthday all in all. 

Another celebration is going to take place this coming weekend. I am planning on going out to dinner with my parents on Friday night. Saturday, I am planning on meeting up with some people at B-dub's. Wings and drinks should be amazing and it will be awesome to celebrate with some friends. 

Doubtful, but could be exciting

Another true story

Feeling Good

This week has been a little weird for me. There have been some changes, both good and bad. I'm leaving all of the drama out of this post. I'm leaving it out from now on. Plus, I think everyone would get whip lash from all of the back and forth that has gone on throughout that relationship.

I withdrew from two of my classes because I just wasn't able to concentrate or focus as much as I needed. I wasn't doing well and it was driving me crazy. I'm not used to doing poorly at things. Especially since this is something that I enjoy and really want to do. I have a doctor's appointment this week and plan on discussing my focus issues and the mini panic attacks I've been having. Hopefully she will have some good suggestions for me. So, I am down to just my human relations class. I have mixed feelings of relief and kinda feeling like a bit of a failure. It's nice to not feel so stressed out about homework and tests. I know it was a necessary thing for me to do and I will retake the classes when I am better prepared for them. I'm just trying to keep a positive attitude about the whole situation. 

Something I need to remember

My birthday is in 10 days and I STILL have no clue what I'm doing. I usually do karaoke every year for my birthday. The place I usually go to had a fire last week and will be closed for a month. So that's obviously off the table. I guess we'll just have to see what kind of opportunities present themselves. I wouldn't mind getting a tattoo or a piercing. :) 

YES!

Some of this would be amazing for my birthday

There are a few concerts that I would love to go to. There is a Led Zeppelin tribute band called ZoSo that is coming to the Intersection on April 4th. I've seen them once before and they are amazing! That would be a great show to go to. Trapt is also coming to the Intersection. I'm not sure of the date though. I love them as well. :) Also, RAIN, which is a Beatles tribute band, is coming to Grand Rapids around my birthday. So if anyone wants to buy me tickets for that, go right ahead. :D Haha. 

This past week, in my human relations class, we discussed depression and suicide. I feel like I could write an entire blog on this, so I think I'm going to save it for next time. I'd like to keep this post light. 

Christina!! <3

<3 <3 <3

Butterflies

Ahahaha! Just kidding. Kind of.

My classes are absolutely kicking my ass right now. So I am attempting to study harder, as you can tell by the fact that I am choosing to write a blog post about it instead of studying. :) No, I really am trying to soak up everything as much as I can. It's just tough for me to retain so much in such a short time period. I may need some encouragement to get through this. It would be appreciated. I'm having mini panic attacks right before and during tests, so I think I need to talk to my doctor about that. I think that could be part of the reason why I'm not doing as well as I'd like to. I sit down and my brain just goes blank, my heart feels like it's going to pound out of my chest and I have a little trouble breathing. Not a lot. My chest just feels a little tight. I never used to get this when I took tests. It's crazy and I hate it. 

This past weekend was awesome! Thursday after class, I went out to dinner at B-Dub's and then got to sit in a nice, relaxing hot tub. It was amazing! Friday was spent watching movies with the same person. We've made mental lists for each other of movies that we think the other person needs to watch. He had me watch The Sandlot and Good Will Hunting, since I had never watched either before. I had him watch Grandma's Boy. :) It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it. I can't wait to do it again. Saturday, I went out to a couple bars with my dad to listen to some bands. I really enjoy doing that with him. Someone came up to my dad to ask if I was his daughter or his girlfriend. It was hilarious and weird. Haha. 

I still have no idea what I'm going to do for my birthday. I should probably start trying to figure that out. :/ While I still have more that I could write about, it's time for me to get back to studying. I have a couple more big tests this week. Wish me luck!

Christina <3

OBSESSED!