Feeling Stuck

It's been about a month since I last wrote. Most of the appointments have come and gone. I have one more left and that is the one where I am supposed to find out what my diagnosis is. I have a feeling they are going to say, "We still aren't 100% sure. We need to do some more testing." That would be just my luck, but I will do it if I need to. 

I had an appointment with my regular doctor today. I just needed to update her on things. This is my first visit with her since I was in the hospital. She doubled my dose of Zoloft, so we'll see how that goes. I also asked about the Ambien. I need it to sleep. I haven't been able to sleep at all lately. When I do take it, it knocks me out but doesn't help me sleep through the night. I asked my doctor if there was one that would keep me asleep all night. She said yes but wasn't sure that my insurance would cover it. We tried it anyway. It turns out that even with my insurance, it still would cost me $160. So I guess I won't be sleeping through the night anytime soon. 

I have also had to withdraw from all of my classes. I hate it and I'm not happy about it. Friends that I was supposed to be able to rely on have shown their true colors lately. I have also been feeling so overwhelmed by everything and wasn't able to properly concentrate so maybe it's a good thing for now. I'd like to return in the fall if possible. I'm just ready to feel better. 

I recently finished reading Girl, Interrupted. I liked it but it was nothing like I expected. It was a very easy, quick read but it jumped around. Overall a good book though. 

This is what I am reading now. This illness is so impossible to explain to others but he does an amazing job with his imagery. It's a little bit of a tough read for me, in terms of that he speaks very proper and above my level I suppose. But when it comes to the feelings he is portraying, I understand every word. I'm about a third way through this. I can't wait to see what other things I will be able to take from this book. 

I guess since I now have all of this free time and don't have to worry about homework, I can spend it reading. I also need to start recording again. I need to. I hope that I can somehow take this time and use it for what it needs to be; a break. 

Christina Love!! <3