30 Major Depressive Disorder Symptoms

I've been having a pretty difficult time lately and I ended up having a bit of a breakdown Thursday. Trevor helped me through it and I was able to calm down. 

Later that night, I ended up coming across an article that explained the 30 major depressive disorder symptoms. Usually if I come across anything like this, I almost always read it. These articles are interesting and can sometimes point out things that I haven't read or thought of before. 

Before I got started, Trevor and I discussed how many of the symptoms we thought I would end up having. He guessed 20 and I guessed 25. Clearly, we both know I have major issues. ;) He kept track on a piece of paper and it was actually his idea to turn this into a blog post. I will put a little * next to the ones that I personally deal with. 

30. Feelings Of Sadness*
People who are depressed are most often described as "sad." They may feel overwhelming sadness and the inability to be happy. This feeling may penetrate every part of their daily activities.

This is kind of a touchy one for me. When someone has a bad day or has had something upsetting happen to them and they choose to describe themselves as depressed, it pisses me off. Being sad and being clinically depressed are very different things. For those that have not been diagnosed, "sad" is really the best way for them to understand. That word just doesn't do it justice because it is such a deep sadness. 

29. Irritability*
Some people who are depressed experience anger and irritability. These people may be unhappy about their life and activities in it. They may find faults in things and people that used to make them happy.

If I am feeling down, I am incredibly irritable. The littlest things can set me off and it's hard for me to see the good in anything. Or anyone, for that matter. 

28. Frustration*
Depressed individuals may get frustrated at simple things in their everyday life. It could be as small as finding nothing interesting on television. They may also become easily frustrated with themselves or other loved ones.

This happens to me quite a bit. Many little things that probably shouldn't have bothered me have gotten me really upset. If the outfit I put on doesn't look as good as it did in my head; if my hair isn't cooperating; if I can't make a decision on a movie to watch; or if the food I just made doesn't taste as good as I was hoping; those things can make me just want to quit the rest of the day. 

27. Focusing On Small Matters*
People who are depressed tend to focus on small issues that are inconsequential. These small problems may disturb them greatly. They may not be able to see the big picture.

This is a HUGE issue for me. When I'm in a relationship, this type of thinking can cause me to think of almost every little issue as a deal breaker. If something happens that upsets me or annoys me, I think, "Is this the thing that's going to end it?" I don't want to have this kind of thinking. When I am on a medication that works properly, those thoughts are under control. 

26. Inability To Have Fun*
Some people who are depressed seem to be unable to experience fun or enjoyment anymore. They may have a good time, but after the activity has ended, they are back in a poor frame of mind.

This happens to me a lot. I'm usually pretty excited to go out with friends and have a good time. It usually starts out well, but at some point, it's almost like a switch flips. All of the sudden, I am sad, want to go home and I don't want to be around anyone. It takes so much effort to smile when someone asks if I'm ok. I'm still able to have fun. It just doesn't always last as long as I would like.

25. Reduced Sex Drive*
Depressed individuals may experience physical symptoms, which can manifest in an inability to enjoy sex. They may not experience pleasure in the same way they used to.

Unfortunately, this is also a big one that I deal with. When I am dealing with an episode, I don't want to be touched at all. Not even holding hands or laying close to each other. I have to have my own physical space. My body's reaction to touch is to pull away or get extremely tense. It's just an automatic thing. This is really, really hard for Trevor. Especially when all he wants to do is give me a hug and it's just hard for me to do it. It might sound stupid or strange to those who don't deal with it, but trust me, it's a real thing and it's tough.

24. Loss Of Interest In Daily Activities*
People who are depressed may lose interest in their normal, daily activities. This can be as simple as not wanting to go to work and as dangerous as not wanting to take their medications.

Thankfully, I have not had to deal with not wanting to take my medications. I know that if I didn't take them, I would be much worse off. I've been off of meds a few times and I know how bad it can get. (I'm actually off them at the moment because I need to switch to something new. I'm mostly speaking of when I am on something that works.) When I'm feeling down, I don't really want to do anything. Even singing. Some of that has to do with my sleep schedule as well, but even something that I am so passionate about gets pushed to the side.

23. Insomnia*
Some people who are depressed spend their nights worrying and experience insomnia. They may resort to taking sleeping medication or drinking alcohol in order to try to get rest.

I've always had a strange sleep schedule. I've always been a night owl. But in the last few years, this has really transformed into something else. There are those who think that insomnia means that you just aren't tired and therefore, you can't sleep. Not true at all. I am incredibly tired ALL. THE. TIME. No matter how tired I feel, I usually can't sleep. I can't even tell you how many different things I've tried to help with my sleeping. My body just doesn't take medication well and nothing really works for me. I eventually just get so tired and wore out to the point where my body really has no choice but to get some rest. This can sometimes be after I've been up for a couple days.

22. Excessive Sleeping*
Depressed individuals may conversely sleep excessively. They may not want to leave their beds, and can spend hours lounging in bed. They may also fall asleep at inappropriate times.

While I deal with insomnia, I also deal with the extreme of sleeping too much. When I am actually able to get some sleep, I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to keep sleeping and do nothing else. Lately, I've been sleeping incredibly heavy, which is very odd for me. I am normally the lightest sleeper ever. It's to the point that I can barely peel my eyes open, my vision is blurry for a while after I get up and I can't walk straight. This is a very unusual feeling for me and while I do appreciate the nights (days, technically) I am able to get some sleep, I would like to be able to wake up without it being such a struggle as well.

21. Overeating
People who are depressed may overeat. Some people mistakenly console themselves with junk food, like ice cream and fast food. This is because eating releases pleasure chemicals in the brain and can provide the temporary yet false belief of feeling better. This feeling doesn't often last very long.

I personally don't really experience this one. Only on occasion do I feel the need to eat everything I see. It's not on a regular basis though.

20. Loss Of Appetite*
Some people who are depressed experience a loss of appetite. This may be from anxiety and feeling nauseous. They may also slip into destructive eating habits in an attempt to control part of their world.

If I have any sort of reaction to food while in a depressive state, it would be a lack of appetite. When I went through my first really serious episode at the age of 17, I dropped down to 82 pounds. (At that time, I was normally around 97 pounds.) I was just never hungry. I had no desire to eat at all. Now, I LOVE food. I've always been asked how I can eat so much for being so petite, so this is strange and a real shock to my system.

19. Restlessness*
Depressed individuals may feel restless, like they want to do something, but don't know what it is. This symptom can show itself with foot tapping and twitches. Depressed individuals may also have a short attention span and move from activity to activity without fully enjoying any of them.

I have this problem all the time! It's incredibly frustrating. I've had a lot of problems with body twitches in the recent past. They've calmed down quite a bit, thank goodness. I still get them occasionally. Mostly, really late at night, I will really want to do something, have the energy for ten things, and I will have no idea what I want to do. I will feel a burst of energy and I will want to get all kinds of amazing projects done or finish things I started a long time ago, but will have no idea where to start. I end up getting so worked up about it, I lose all of my energy for it and give up. 

18. Angry Outbursts*
People who are depressed may get angry without reason. They don't understand what is happening to their mind and may feel helpless, which can manifest in angry outbursts at inappropriate times and to people who don't deserve it.

This is one of my worst symptoms. If I am going through a depressive episode, I usually only have 2 emotions, anger and sadness. There really isn't much else. While I've always dealt with anger, it has really transformed itself within the last few years. I scream at the top of my lungs, I will throw things, I will threaten to do things, physical or otherwise, just to get my way. Sometimes there's a voice telling me to stop, but it's like I physically can't help myself. I'm not in control and it's a really scary situation.

17. Slowed Thinking
Some people who are depressed may have a delayed thinking process, for instance, quickly forgetting what they were saying or doing. For a youth, this can be difficult in a school setting.

This is another one that I only deal with occasionally. Sometimes I'll forget what I was saying in the middle of my sentence. Or I will go to do something and I will completely forget what I had planned. This isn't something that is a real big problem for me though.

16. Slowed Movements
Depressed individuals may also experience slowed movement. They may not walk as fast as they used to. If they used to be active, they may not exercise any longer. 

This one doesn't really apply to me at all. I've always been a fast walker, and I still continue to walk really fast. It drives Trevor nuts. :) I'm sure there could be some sort of example where I slow down my movements, but I honestly can't think of anything.

15. Indecisiveness*
People who are depressed may exhibit indecisiveness in their daily lives. They know that certain activities will not make them happy, so they cannot choose what to do and become indecisive.

This one is bad. Trevor and I get in fights over this one all the time. Something that should be incredibly easy, like picking out what I would like to eat, feels like a life decision sometimes. I have such a hard time figuring out what I want and I don't know how to talk myself through it. I'm pretty indecisive about everything, but that's one of the main issues.

14. Easily Distracted*
Some people who are depressed get easily distracted. No activity holds their concentration. They might spend hours watching television or surfing the internet when they should be working on other tasks. 

OMG such a problem for me. It just happened before I got to this particular point actually. Fucking Facebook. I have a very hard time finishing tasks that I start. Something always catches my attention and I'm distracted for hours. 

13. Decreased Concentration*
Depressed individuals may show signs of decreased concentration. Studying may be particularly hard. They may stare into space for hours instead of focusing on one task. 

This was incredibly hard for me when I was in school (college). I had gotten through the first couple of quarters with no problem. When my meds started to fail, I had such a hard time getting homework done. I couldn't focus and if I read a page in one of my textbooks, I would be thinking about something else at the same time. Once I reached the bottom of the page, I had absolutely no idea what I had just read and I would have to start all over. 

12. Fatigue*
People who are depressed may experience great fatigue. This could be caused by improper sleep. They may want to sleep because they don't have the will or energy to do anything else. 

Another major one for me. As the description says, I'm sure improper sleep is one of the main causes. There are days that I just don't have the energy to get out of bed. I'm so emotionally, mentally and physically drained and I can't force myself to move. 

11. Loss Of Energy*
Some people who are depressed suffer a loss of energy. This could be physical, where they stop doing normal activities. It could also be mental and emotional, where they push away loved ones.

There are plenty of days that I just don't have enough energy to have a serious conversation or talk about how I'm feeling. I literally can not muster up enough energy to even make a half-assed effort. Obviously this can push people away if I am not able to open up.

10. Feelings Of Worthlessness*
Depressed individuals may feel worthless and like no one loves them. They feel like they contribute nothing to society and people hate them. This can lead to more destructive thoughts, like suicide.

While reading through this list, this one made me cry. I experience this one from time to time and it's terrible. 

9. Feelings Of Guilt*
People who are depressed may feel guilty for having a mental disorder. They feel that their sadness places a burden on others. They may thing that if only they were stronger, no one would have to suffer because of them.

I experience this one quite often. While I know it's not my fault that I have depression, sometimes I can't help but feel guilty about it. I feel guilty for all of the problems it causes in others' lives, not just mine. I have no choice but to live with this everyday for the rest of my life. Other people have the option of removing themselves from my life, and I'm always terrified that everyone will do just that.

8. Fixating On Past Failures*
Some people who are depressed fixate on past mistakes and failures. They may be insignificant and as simple as burning dinner. However, these simple mistakes can be overwhelming for those with depression.

The main thing that comes to my mind is my ex and how I treated him. At the time, I still didn't know much about my depression and everything that was going on. I treated him terribly and was never able to explain anything. I chose to just not speak to him and I was always so cold. We would go days without speaking to each other or spending any time in the same room, other than sleeping. Now that I know a lot more, I can look back and pinpoint certain things and I can explain things a little better now. Unfortunately, I'll never have the chance to explain myself and I'll never be able to take back all of the hurt that I caused him. Obviously that's a large thing, but I do fixate on tiny things all the time. Even if I know I shouldn't, I can't stop my brain from obsessing.

7. Trouble Thinking*
Depressed individuals may have trouble thinking clearly. Their thoughts are clouded and confusing. Their depression will get in the way of normal thought processes.

The funny thing is, I don't even really know how to explain this one. There are days where I just can't make proper connections. Where things just aren't making sense and I'm not exactly sure why. 

6. Trouble Concentrating
People who are depressed may have difficulty concentrating on everyday tasks. Doing the laundry or cooking may be too overwhelming for them.

Just based on the examples they give, I don't believe this is one that I deal with on a regular basis. I do, however, forget about the laundry all the damn time!

 5. Trouble Remembering Things
Some people who are depressed have trouble remembering important information. They may forget big dates or holidays, or smaller things. They may even forget to eat and practice personal hygiene.

I'm really good with dates and remembering things like that. I always have been. And I don't think I would ever forget about personal hygiene, because it drives me crazy when people don't take care of themselves.

4. Crying For No Reason*
Depressed individuals may find themselves crying for no reason. They may see a sad commercial on television and start crying. They may start crying during conversations with people. They may also start crying from no direct cause, but their own inner sadness.

As soon as I read the title for this one, I started crying. So, if that doesn't explain how incredibly sensitive I get when dealing with these episodes, I don't know what will. Every little thing can make me cry and it's really annoying. It gets to the point that, when I start to cry about something stupid, it makes me angry. 

3. Thoughts Of Suicide*
People who are depressed may start thinking about suicide. Their self destructive thoughts can become extreme. If a person confides in you that they have thought of committing suicide, be sure to report it to their loved ones or urge them to talk to a medical professional.

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with this one. I was in the hospital in March of last year because of this very thing. I can't say that those thoughts have ever gone away. I think they get pushed back when I am doing well, but as soon as things go wrong, those thoughts can come creeping back in. I'm not positive they will ever disappear. Once they've been planted, I think they're stuck. That doesn't mean they will always be strong thoughts or detailed thoughts.

2. Thoughts Of Death*
Some people who are depressed think not only of their own death, but the death of others. They may threaten others, or mention destructive activities. If you think a person is in danger of harming themselves or others, you may consider calling the police immediately.

I don't know that I've ever threatened anyone, but if I'm having an outburst, I don't always remember the details. Thoughts of death do enter my brain from time to time. I've had some pretty upsetting dreams as well. 

1. Physical Pains*
Depressed individuals may also experience physical pain brought on from their emotional pain. They may get sick more often, and feel a general malaise. They may experience headaches and migraines. They may also have constant muscle pain and stiffness.

ALL. THE. TIME. When I was dealing with my first depressive episode in high school, I started noticing that my body would just tense up and stay that way. It would just happen. I would end up with pulled muscles in my legs and arms because my body just couldn't relax. I still deal with this issue today. Even while I am sleeping, my body does not fully relax and I often wake up really sore. These days, it's mostly my back and neck. I don't really know what I could do to stop that other than asking for muscle relaxers and I don't really want to have to do that.

So, if you're keeping count, that's 25 for me personally. Boom. I was right.

This is easily the best article I've read on this topic. I know that some of the symptoms seem to be repeats of others, but I promise they are not. There are slight differences between them that maybe not everyone will catch or be able to see right away. Completely understandable. This is something that Trevor and I discussed as we read through the article. 

If you would like to read the actual article, here is the link. I have everything word for word on here (with a few things corrected), but some of the pictures they chose to represent the symptoms are kind of comical. It's definitely worth a look. 

I also came across another article a couple weeks about that talked about science getting close to being able to diagnose depression with a blood test. Here is the link for that.

For those that don't respond well to medication, this article might be of some interest to you. It discusses brain stimulation as an alternative. 

"Head Above Water" Theory Of A Deadman