My Words

Everyone has different coping methods to help them get through whatever issues they're dealing with. I started writing poetry when I was about 13 years old and it ended up being a great tool for me to get some of my feelings out. I didn't always write about personal experience. At least not at first. I thought I would share a few of those old poems with you. 

Maybe Someday

Screaming in my head
Shouting in my heart

They all sit there and watch

As I fall apart

No one listens

No one cares

As I look around me

All I see are stares

No one knows who I am

Even though they think they do

Every time I look in the mirror

I say, "who the hell are you?"

I wish that I could be

The girl I want to be

But when I see myself

All I am is me

I'll sit and listen to the shouts and screams

As I cry the night away

Maybe I'll become the girl I want to be

Maybe someday

4-19-00

Home

She sits in a corner

All alone

The only thing she wants

Is to go home

Not her home here on Earth

Her home in the skies

Where no one questions her

No who, what, where or whys

She wants to get there

But she doesn't know how

She can't wait until later

She wants to go now

The fastest way she can think of

Is to cause herself a lot of pain

She knows there's got to be a rainbow

Somewhere beyond the clouds and rain

She reaches for the knife

Her hands tremble with fear

She slowly cuts her wrists

And she tells the sky she's near

5-23-00

Invisible

A lonely night begins

With many more to follow

My heart is empty

My mind is hollow

I should be numb

To this pain by now

But I can't get over it

I just don't know how

No one even notices

No one really cares

I must be invisible

No one seems to be aware

They're tearing me apart

But they can't see

They don't seem to understand

The one they're breaking down is me

I don't know how long I'll last

I don't know if I can stand it

A fire inside me is raging

I just don't seem to fit

I'm going through hell

And I need someone here

I can't stand this pain

Loneliness is my biggest fear

6-21-00

These sound very juvenile to me now, but the feelings were very real. With some of my poems, I can remember exactly where I was when I wrote them. I can remember how I was feeling and who was around me. I didn't ever really write about anything good or happy. I never felt the need to write then. I could only really write when I was in pain or needed to get something bad out of me. I think it works that way for a lot of people. 

I will share some more of my old poems in future posts. Hopefully these words are relate-able to some of you, even if they aren't the greatest work.