This first one doesn't follow the format that I usually follow. I wrote it when I was dealing with my first real depressive episode and this was the best that I could describe what I was feeling.
My Death
Shut out
Closed off
Locked away
Cold and dark
Empty room
Nothing but me
Experiencing death
While I'm alive
Watching myself deteriorate
Afraid of loneliness
Yet afraid of touch
Afraid of being afraid
Muscles tense
Throat is dry
Tears well up in my eyes
I wish I couldn't feel
Want to be numb
I wish I didn't care
Want to be stronger
I wish I didn't wish so much
Wanting it to end
All of it
Suffocating
Slowly losing life
Watching myself die
No control
Just fear
Crippling fear
So scared it hurts
Overly sensitive
Vanishing
Gone
3-12-03
Blanket Of You
Say my name
Just say it once
I want to hear how it sounds
Coming from your mouth
Touch my hand
Hold it in yours
Let me see how it feels
Make me want more
Put your lips
Next to mine
Butterflies
Tell me this is right
Put your hand on my heart
Can you feel it?
It's pounding so fast
Does yours do that?
Wrap me up
In the blanket of you
Don't let go
Because I'm in love with you
8-22-03
Fading
Colors fading
Turning to gray
Everything is disappearing
My smile is falling away
Left behind once again
Not willing to fight
It's not worth it anymore
Days fades to night
The darkness overcomes
I'm left in black
My rainbow is gone
There's no turning back
Prepared to do anything
Whatever it takes
After I'm gone
What difference will it make?
9-5-03
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